peek into my soul. and snoop around for a while.

Leave a comment


Its something I can never get used to.

Its a fact of life WE ALL tend not to think about.

My first experience I have had of some one passing is my great grandfather..not quite sure the relation, but it was’nt too shocking to me..I remember he was 90+…and I didnt cry during the viewings but for some reason I did when they buried him.  Honestly I barely knew him.

2nd was heartbreaking a good family friend of mine died.  One of my best friends growing up, same age would have become a fine young man..better than myself I must say.  I remember the day he got hurt..I still regret this to this day… I stopped by my cousins house who happen to be neighbors with him.  I was there around the time he got hurt…I even went up to his door to knock…but I didnt want to bother them…..sometimes I think if only I had the courage to keep knocking I could have changed things.  His funeral changed my whole outlook on life. Questioned my faith. He died a few days before my bday.

Showed me…how short life can be.  No longer was I naive to how mortal we are.

When my first Grandfather died (dad’s dad)…I was anticipating it…but didnt want to think of him not being here.  So I didnt.. was in denial when he was suffering in the hospital.  The morning he died…I woke up round 230am..3ish…not sure but I just woke up, and had this bad feeling….a minute or two later the phone rings..and I already knew…I didnt even want to answer it.  Maybe it was his way of telling all of us he was going because I got concurring stories from the rest of my fam sharing my experience.  The Lopez clan hasnt been the same since he left.  So many memories. ..

…and I couldnt type anymore…too painful to talk about.**

but i had to publish it cuz i dont want it sitting in my drafts anymore.

**its my other grandfathers bday today (moms dad) he passed away last year. happy bday tatay..sorry for not being your best grandchild…”you said you can die happy when I was born”  I promise to live up to you expectations of me.